


nothingness

by daydreamsago



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Emotional Hurt, Gen, Heavy Angst, M/M, References to Depression, Suicide, Thirium (Detroit: Become Human), can be read as hankcon or gen, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 22:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16168544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamsago/pseuds/daydreamsago
Summary: Emotions are difficult, especially for Connor. He just can’t bare the weight of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my apologies. i’m not in the best mood today, so i took it out on poor Connor here.

Something feels like it’s dragging him down, like there’s a heavy weight sitting upon his chest. He’s not happy. He’s not sure he knows what happiness feels like. It’s definitely not this.

Since he deviated, Connor hasn’t felt the positive emotions that other androids feel. There’s no urge to smile, or laugh: just... nothingness. When he looks in the mirror, he doesn’t see life behind his brown eyes. He sees camera lenses; neglect of vibrancy, neglect of emotion. He feels empty.

He’s locked in Hank’s bathroom, and it’s midnight. The Lieutenant is sleeping soundly a few rooms away, unaware of Connor’s crisis. He wants to wake him up, to talk to him about what’s going on inside his head, yet he doesn’t want to bother him at such an hour. He feels like a nuisance, like a dead limb—no circulation.

Connor wonders if androids can become depressed. A Google search yields meaningless results; nothing addressing his issue directly. He sighs—broken, head in hands. He feels the LED on his temple, a flashing ring. It’s no longer blue or yellow, but red, though the colors it shows mean nothing to him. They’re not accurate, anyway. He looks around the bathroom for something to remove it with, eyes landing on a nail clipper.

Without mercy, he grabs it with the clipper, metal clasping metal. He pulls, and it comes out and falls into the sink. Connor watches as his faux skin returns to his temple. He should feel more human like this, but he doesn’t. He looks deeper into the mirror, finding nothing once more.

He wants to cry, wants to scream, so maybe he’ll attract Hank’s attention. He makes no sound, suffering in the silence of the ghastly hour. He makes a decision there and then, one that’ll end this nothingness for good, he hopes.

The tee shirt he’s wearing is Hank’s. He looks at it sadly for a moment, before pulling it over his head in one swift motion. He tosses it aside as he opens the compartment in his chest, the one his thirium pump resides in.

Connor’s eyes meet the mirror again, giving it one last glance before placing his hand on the vital biocomponent. It’s now or never. He yanks it from his chest, placing it in the sink. If he could feel emotion properly, he’d be crying.

But there’s just _nothing,_ and it hurts more than anything else would.

**SHUT DOWN IMMINENT: 58 SECONDS REMAINING**

He slides down to the floor, vision distorting. Everything is red, and yet, still nothing.

**SHUT DOWN IMMINENT: 43 SECONDS REMAINING**

The warning is flashing now. Connor squeezes his eyes shut, trying to make it go away.

**SHUT DOWN IMMINENT: 31 SECONDS REMAINING**

He thinks of Hank, thinks of his smile, and the way his eyes are bright with feeling.

**SHUT DOWN IMMINENT: 15 SECONDS REMAINING**

He thinks of Markus, his compassion for androids and humans alike. He feels so deeply.

**SHUT DOWN IMMINENT: 7 SECONDS REMAINING**

Nothing. He feels nothing.

**SHUT DOWN IMMINENT: 3 SECONDS REMAINING**

Connor mouths a goodbye, but no one’s there to see it.

**SHUTTING DOWN...**

He slumps against the door, lifeless.

But perhaps he’s just as alive as he was before.


	2. Chapter 2

No one is there to wake Hank in the morning.

When he opens his eyes, he realizes they’re already forty-five minutes late for work. The house is eerily quiet, which causes his heart to sink in that anxious way it does when he just _knows_ something isn’t quite right. He gets out of bed slowly, unknowingly prolonging the discovery of what’s awaiting him nearby.

“Connor?” he calls, but there’s no answer. Strange. He walks down the hallway, finding the closed bathroom door. “Connor?” he tries again. “What’re you doing in there?”

No answer, yet again. He goes to open the door, but it’s... stuck. Hank uses a little more pressure, and it opens to reveal the person he’s been looking for.

But he’s gone. _Dead._

“No!” Hank gasps, finding the thirium pump and LED in the sink. He sunk to his knees, taking the lifeless android into his arms. Before he realizes it, there’s tears trailing down his face, and he’s forced to mourn the loss of someone of great importance to him all over again.


End file.
